Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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