Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
