Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
