i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
