Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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