I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
