That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
