he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
