there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All the doctor said was why
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
