Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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