As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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