I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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