My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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