Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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