I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Randomize
