My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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