ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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