The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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