i barfeds in our rink
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
