You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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