I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
