you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
