There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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