my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
