If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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