if you like me you must not know who I am
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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