i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
