They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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