Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
