I've blown a few things in my day
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
