i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
