1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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