your parents love me but you hate me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
