did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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