i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
