Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
