So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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