Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
