I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
