; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
