I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
