Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
