My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
