How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
