I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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