the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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