I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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