You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
