I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
