life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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