I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I currently don't understand fingers.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
