We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Quick, to the slutcave!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
