I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
