I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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