True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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