pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
